Here I am on Day Two. Yesterday I was excited. My head was still spinning from the quick, God-warp-speed progression of how this site/blog came to be. In less than a week’s time, I saw the information about this 31 day challenge, had the idea for my topic less than 5 minutes later, God downloaded a whole new vision for this blog including a ‘mission’ verse, possible topics to write about and an overall huge potential direction, I secured the new domain this past weekend then loaded Word Press on the site and selected a simple theme yesterday before writing my first post. I don’t think I’ve done anything to this magnitude that quickly. Usually I would need to consider every detail from all angles…would need to assess if I really have enough time to devote to this, would I have enough to write about, how should the layout/theme be put together, oh and if it’s a new thing that means I need a new logo and full branded pretty package…because details matter in marketing and people won’t read stuff blah blah blah blah blah. Yes there is value in all of the marketing/branding ‘stuff’, but it often becomes a road block for me because…you guessed it, I feel the need to do it perfectly. (I am a photographer for those of you who don’t already know me…and have been on the branding & biz set-up journey for the past couple of years. That’s right…couple of years…perfection takes time HAH)
I posted yesterday still in the roller coaster ‘high’. I personally am not a fan of roller coasters so I haven’t been on many. But I can relate to the feeling as soon as you get off of one (and again, my idea of roller coasters may be others’ idea of ‘kiddie ride’ but still…). The ride stops and you’re thinking ‘THAT WAS AWESOME’! The entire ride you may have been thinking ‘WHAT THE HECK, GET ME OFF OF THIS THING, I’M GONNA DIE’, but at least for me, right at the end there is a feeling of euphoria (or maybe it’s relief) and for a split second you think ‘Let’s do that again!!!’ Until the reality sets in that it was pure torture until it was over…
I was in the euphoric haze until late last night as the realization of reality started sinking in. I realized I had just committed to writing every.single.day. for the rest of this month. 31 whole days. In a row. Of essentially being ‘naked’. No editing, just being my real self. Which was fine until I realized that there were now people who said they wanted to follow this journey of mine. Meaning I’m going to be NAKED IN PUBLIC. Awesome.
Strangely enough, the idea of sharing actual naked content wasn’t what launched the perfectionist action sequence in my brain. It was the fact that I’ve committed to writing this without…making it perfect. I joined the FB group to connect with other 31 day writers and saw planning lists and that others were redesigning their blogs and and and…doing all the things that I would typically do. For a few minutes I started considering that I should be doing the same. But then I remembered my purpose for all of this. My purpose is not to please and impress an audience of many. It’s to glorify an audience of One.
One of my amazing talented friends who has the voice of an angel (hi AnnMarie 🙂 ) sings on her church’s praise team down in FL. They often have worship nights that are ‘Concerts for the audience of One’. I love that. Isn’t that what our lives are supposed to be? Worship concerts for the audience of One?
God has gifted me with this perfectionistic characteristic and there is purpose for it. But like every other character trait that we all have, He’s gifted us with these talents in order to glorify Him. In order to realize that in our own abilities they won’t get us very far…but when we allow Him to use them through us, that’s where the magic happens. A football in my hands is pretty worthless…however in the hand of a gifted quarterback, it’s Super Bowl trophy worthy.
Maybe I don’t need to ‘recover’ from being a perfectionist. Maybe I just need to hand it over to God and allow Him to use it.
Image Credit: Erin Kass Photography