1.As much or as many as required; 2.To the required degree or extent; 3.Used to express an impatient desire for the cessation of undesirable behavior or speech. (what shows up when you Google ‘define enough’)
Enough. I had had enough. I’d had enough of the noise and was ready for an escape. So I did. For 10 days I silenced the voice of social media and ran away to the beautiful land of real life – not the ‘cleaning toilets and vacuuming floors’ real life – but the ‘hey, there are trees and birds and PEOPLE and the clear voice of God in all of it’ real life.
I missed out on the whole black and blue and gold and white debate. Shocker, my world didn’t fall apart and if anything I returned to virtual reality thinking ‘really?!’ With everything going on in the world, how many minutes (hours?) and brain cells were wasted on a dress? Maybe I missed a greater significance, but really?!
Enough. I had had enough of the old season of life and was ready to fully step into this new one. At the beginning of this year, it was as if God ejected the old tape from the VCR and put in a brand new one. (that’s right, I’m feeling old school today). He pressed play but because of other distractions, I was only catching ‘previews’ here and there. I was ready to turn off the lights, silence the cell phone, make some popcorn and settle in to watch the full film featuring what God has in store for this year and beyond.
The crazy awesome thing about God is that the more you see of Him, the more you realize there’s so much more to see. These past 10 days have only left me wanting more – more of Him, more time to process all that He has already revealed, more capacity to handle all that He has to pour out.
Yet in the midst of this ‘more’, He has shown me ‘enough.’
I started reading ‘Captivating’ by John and Stasi Eldredge. The words on these pages so far could’ve come straight from my heart:
“I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I’ve ever met feels it – something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy.”
I am confident and know who God created me to be. I know who I am. But yet I still often find myself struggling with those thoughts of ‘not enough and too much.’ I recently saw a friend describe herself as a lion in a lamb’s body. I can relate.
On one side, I am super gentle, soft, and sensitive. I don’t just sit across the table from someone who is hurting or ecstatic over a scenario in their lives – my heart jumps into theirs and experiences the feelings with them. My brother once said it’s as if I can ‘feel colors’ and as crazy as that might sound, it’s pretty accurate. It can be exhausting to live the roller coaster of life around me…especially when sensitivity and emotion is often seen as weakness. People get awkward around tears!
And then there’s the other side of me that is a strong leader and a no-nonsense tell-it-like-it-is lover of the messy & raw side of life. The deep well that holds the sensitive emotions also holds the boldly passionate ones. I often find myself wanting to hold back the intensity of what I feel so I don’t overwhelm (read: offend) others. A bold woman can be seen as ‘feminist’ or a term used to describe female dogs!
In a world and even church culture of ‘not enough and too much’, God says I am enough.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” ~Psalm 139:13-14a
I am enough. I can confidently run into the arms of my loving Heavenly Father without shame or feeling as though I am lacking in any area, regardless of what circumstances or others might say.
I am enough. I’m not where I’ll be tomorrow or next week or next year, but I’m not where I was yesterday or last week or last year. I am enough, right in this moment, and this moment is what I’m responsible for right now. “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” ~Matthew 6:34 (msg)
I am enough. I am a blend of sensitive and sassy, gentle and gallant, meticulous and messy. God created me this way for a purpose and it’s perfectly enough to be used by Him.
God is enough. He is my ‘I am’, the answer to every question, and the reason that I am enough.
Image Credit: Jordan Brittley