I could feel the imminent avalanche of life threatening to overtake my thoughts. The crazy train was pulling up to the station and I was at the point of decision where I could choose to jump on or let it pass.

We’ll be gone the second half of this month visiting family for Christmas. It’s the first time in our 10 years together where we’ll be traveling to both mine and my husband’s home states, FL & LA, for a holiday. It’s only the 2nd time in 6 years that we’ll actually be with family during the holiday season. As much as I’m looking forward to seeing everyone, the reality in this moment is more ‘what the heck were we thinking when we planned this?!’  Two weeks of trying to stuff in as much quality time as possible as we go down the list of ‘friends and family we only see once or twice every year …or once or twice every several years.’  A 24+ hour round trip road trip with two dogs plus two more flights after only being home 3 weeks from my adventure out west. (Seattle is seriously no joke for this girl who has only lived in flat land her entire life! 😉 )

Growing up I loved this tv show called ‘Out of This World’. The show revolved around a teenaged girl who was half-alien, which sounds weird but she had the ability to stop and start time. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I actually sometimes touch the ends of my index fingers together just to see if I too have been gifted with this ability, but sadly it hasn’t worked yet.  Oh how I would love to freeze time for a day, week, month just to sleep and get caught up on ‘life’ while life is on pause!

In this moment, I am tired. In this moment I would be perfectly happy to shut my brain off and coast through the rest of the year (and if I’m being really honest…to not even talk to anyone! :-D) In this moment, I’m wishing that we were one of those couples whose biggest challenge is figuring out which family we’ll see first on Christmas Day…or if we will mix it up and spend the weekend before with one family and then the weekend after with another, while we take Christmas Day to ourselves. Or WHATEVER.

2014 has easily been one of the best years of my life. After many seasons of working the soil, removing rocks, planting seeds, fertilizing and watering, I finally started to see what has been unseen. But it has also felt like God’s boot camp. It has been intense, as I’ve shared some of it in previous blog posts and I’ll be sharing more in future ones. We’ve had something big involving a trip or event for one or both of us in almost every month…not to mention the ever-present to do list for getting this house finally organized and settled.  As much as I love to travel, organize events, and am thankful for this house, I’m ready to breathe.

As I sat here thinking ‘What do I need to do to fix life? How do I rest and do nothing for a week while I also attempt to make progress on these circumstances that surround me? Should I sit and do Bible study for an hour or turn on worship music and try to drown out life for a bit? or???’, that still small voice replied ‘just be’.

I can so easily fill my thoughts with unneeded, unhelpful clutter…especially when I’m tired. Instead I need to take my over-active brain captive and just rest in His silence. Without silence on my end, He’ll never be able to get a word in!

Psalm 46

¹ God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.

Stop what you’re doing, push pause on life for a few minutes and jump in your time machine. Travel back to your teenaged years…specifically when you were between the ages of 13-21. Some of you may be ready to immediately jump back to the present or attempt to travel to a different time, but just hang out with me for a moment.

I know all of your experiences were different. Some of you may have had some of the best years of your life. Maybe you were the popular star of the football team or homecoming or prom queen. Or the top athlete in your sport in your state. Or maybe you were the creative artsy one and spent your days in the band room or auditorium practicing the next production for your theater class.

Regardless of your experience, we all either had a community of friends who ‘got’ us…or we didn’t. If you had a close group of friends you know how important and valuable that was and if you were more of a loner, you can probably remember thinking how nice it would’ve been to have them.

For the past year and a half, God has used Delight to completely rock my world. I never imagined that a ministry for teenaged girls would be on my radar but now I can’t imagine life without the hundreds of unbelievably wonderful young ladies that are firmly planted in my heart.

Delight is ‘home’. It’s the place where creative girls, ages 13-21 can experience the unconditional love of their Heavenly Daddy. Being a teenager isn’t easy and it can be especially difficult when you’re a ‘creative weirdo’ that doesn’t fit the mold. But in Delight, ‘weird’ is the norm. Creatives are free to be who God created them to be: unique, quirky, silly, and fun daughters of the King.

Hello again! It’s only been 12 days but it feels like so much longer. I wanted to give myself a brain break after the 31 days but I definitely missed writing! Since I’m a number-loving weirdo, I had to post today, on 11-12-14. I figured it was the perfect time to come back 😉

The first couple days off were nice. I was able to get caught up on laundry and work on the to do list that had been mostly set aside for the month of October. Hubby was gone on a work trip for the week and I intended to spend it resting. Which kinda worked but I mostly ended up restless and antsy.

I’ve heard people say ‘it would’ve been so much easier to trust in God/believe in God when Jesus walked the earth cause it was more concrete and obvious.’ I’ve laughed at that thought over the past 10 days because I have experienced first hand how that’s probably not true. I could even say that’s definitely not true, because look at Peter! He was one of Jesus’ close buddies – he walked on water for goodness sake – but even HE betrayed Jesus…more than once!

Jesus didn’t walk through any walls to present himself physically to me, but God showed up so clearly and intensely over the month of October that He was as concrete and undeniable as you can probably get in this life. I know that I know that He proved Himself to be faithful and gave me clear vision and direction and dreams for the future. It was a supernatural month.

And then November came. Hubby left. I attempted to take a brain break and rest and just bask in the glory that had happened in October. I intended to lay all of these new possibilities and goals on the table and come up with a plan for how it was all going to work. I was ready for the glory cloud to continue to lead me into this perfect new life.

However, the opposite seemed to happen. Suddenly I felt as though I was in a completely different room with no one and nothing else in it. It was just me staring at blank walls wondering ‘did all of that realllly happen?!’ I knew it had. I wasn’t doubting it or thinking I was crazy. (mostly anyway) I definitely didn’t think God had ‘left me’, but the warm and fuzzy glory cloud that existed in October wasn’t there any more. It was just me and my thoughts. Me and my faith that He had strengthened and stretched just days and weeks before. Me and my choice to still trust and believe the promises that were given. Me attempting to figure things out in my own strength when I really needed to sit back and rest in His timing and plans. Just because God reveals something to us now doesn’t mean that ‘now’ is the time for it to come to fruition!

How often are we just like Peter? How many times have we walked on water in the midst of God’s presence just to doubt and deny Him in the quiet or turbulent times? If God is the same yesterday today and forever, then it’s up to US to believe that His promises are true and He is faithful whether we feel His presence or not. Whether we’re in a ‘happy Holy Spirit moment’ during worship at church or sitting in our living room surrounded by a mess at home on a Wednesday morning.  He is faithful. He has proven Himself to be faithful over and over and over again. He has promised to never leave nor forsake us.

May we learn to fully rest in Him. To rest in His promises and trust Him when it’s easy and when it’s not so easy. Thank you God for your faithfulness. Thank you for being a good God and for having our best interests at heart. Because even when circumstances don’t appear to be great from our perspective, your ways are higher than ours and for that, I am so grateful!

Image Credit: Erin Kass

October 31. Day 31. Post number 27. I’ve missed 4 days, but they were intentional. God didn’t direct me to write so I didn’t.

As much as I’ve enjoyed this past month, I’m glad today is the last day. Because I’m ready to breathe. I’m ready to do exactly what the purpose is behind this blog and savor the goodness of God. I’m ready to sit back, exhale in satisfaction and accomplishment, then deeply inhale His rest. I’m ready to go back and actually read all of these posts again because they came from God…not just from my head! I can’t wait to read the earlier posts from the perspective I have now as the challenge comes to a close.

I’m ready to savor His faithfulness, for this month has been a huge testimony of how His ways are higher than ours and that He WILL show up when we continue to follow where He leads and trust Him. For many years I sowed into other people. God didn’t have me investing my time directly into what my interests were. Or when I did, progress seemed almost non existent. In the many days and nights of crying out to Him, wondering ‘God when is it going to be ‘my’ time…’my’ turn…am I laboring in vain and wasting my time?’, He would simply respond ‘The bigger the building, the deeper the foundation. You’re still pouring foundation.’

He would also bring to mind the story of the Chinese bamboo tree. Once planted, it takes years for the Chinese bamboo to finally break the surface and have visible growth. But once it does, it can appear to be an ‘overnight success’ – growing at an extremely rapid rate.

I’m definitely feeling a bit like the Chinese bamboo. I dove head first into this writing adventure not having a clue what to expect. I wasn’t even sure that I would make it to this point. But I’ve connected with God and seen Him work in ways that are far beyond my comprehension.

I’m now part of an amazing supportive blogging community and the people I have ‘met’ have been such a blessing. I’ve seen myself grow…my first post of this challenge took me a while because it actually required effort to ‘just write’ without trying to edit along the way. Now I’m not even worried about it. I’ve seen how God can show up and work even in the midst of imperfection. It’s not my responsibility to hit a home run every time. I just have to hit the ball and allow Him to carry it over the fence.

I haven’t made a plan for how I’m going to continue this…whether I’m just going to write when God gives me something or if I’m going to stick to a certain schedule. But I know that first I’ll be taking some days to go brain dead and rest. 🙂

Thank you for joining me in this journey…for your encouragement and supportive comments. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for the future…the best is yet to come!

Image Credit: Erin Kass

As I said in my Ridiculous Faith Pt 1 post (<—click the link if you haven’t read it), God showed me how my faith could be bigger…and then He showed me what that looks like. This is where the ridiculous part comes in.

Have you ever seen the movie Evan Almighty? It’s a movie where the Biblical story of Noah meets a present-day US Congressman. Well, right after God got me thinking about faith that Saturday afternoon, hubby was channel surfing and landed on Evan Almighty. Obviously the movie is not exactly the Biblical story, but there are a lot of significant points that are the same.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible” (Hebrews 11: 1, 3)

Faith means living in the unseen. It means not having a Plan B. It means doing things that are pretty ridiculous in the eyes of the world. As I watched Evan go from ‘normal guy’ to ‘crazy freak’ in the eyes of those around Him, I realized that willingness to look like a crazy freak is mandatory if we’re going to live a live of true adventurous, fully alive, ‘I want ALL that God has for me’ faith. We have to get off of our lukewarm couch and go all in…and care more about what God says about our lives than what others do.

I’ve realized in my own life that God has put His-sized dreams in my heart. It’s time for me to live in faith and believe that through Him, ALL things are possible. These dreams are the conviction of things not seen. I know what God has shown me for my life, but it’s the fear of failure, or of others not understanding me, or of others not valuing what I do that holds me back. It’s a scary thing to lay your heart on the table for all the world to see. But when I approach these things in faith, I know that God put them on my heart for HIS purpose. So that I can join with Him in speaking them into life that is visible.

So as these 31 days are coming to an end, I’m standing in faith that my influence will grow so that people can see God through my life as I allow Him to use me. I am a writer and God has put it on my heart that I’ll write a book (or more) some day. He’s given me a much greater vision for Ready to Breathe than just this blog…it’s only the beginning. He’s given me a strong passion to celebrate peoples’ stories and document them photographically. I’m standing in faith that my business will flourish over the coming years and I’m holding onto the word that was given to me earlier this year that I am a torch and have the favor of God for my immediate region and beyond. It’s in my heart to travel to all the parts of the US and beyond, celebrating people and showing them love through photographs. I’m believing that I will photograph sessions/weddings in Paris and more in NYC…my two favorite cities on the planet (plus Galilee & Jerusalem…but Israel is in a whole category of it’s own 😉 ).  I’m standing in faith that Delight is going to grow beyond our wildest imaginations and that creative young women are going to find their significance in God and realize that their ‘weirdness’ is on purpose and for His glory.

That last paragraph was hard to write. It could seem ridiculous to people. (shoot a lot of it even sounds ridiculous to me!) It could appear that I’m bragging or thinking that I’m ‘more special than I am’. But it’s time for ridiculous faith. For living a life that doesn’t make sense in the natural. For saying ‘Here I am Lord, send me. This life isn’t mine…it’s all yours.’

I don’t want to get to heaven and realize that I missed out on SOOO much because I kept God in a box and didn’t believe Him for all that He’s capable of. So like Paul, I’ll forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead. I’ll press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Adventure awaits and I’m ready to dive in with reckless abandon.

Image Credit: Erin Kass

Exodus 14: 1- 4a “Then the Lord said to Moses, ² “Tell the Israelites to turn back and encamp near Pi Hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea. They are to encamp by the sea, directly opposite Baal Zephon. ³ Pharaoh will think, ‘The Israelites are wandering around the land in confusion, hemmed in by the desert.’ ⁴ And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will pursue them. But I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord.”

Exodus 17b-18 “And I will gain glory through Pharaoh and all his army, through his chariots and his horsemen. ¹⁸ The Egyptians will know that I am the Lord when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen.”

 

This is the well known story of when God parted the Red Sea and allowed the Israelites to cross on dry land. I read this today, and as amazing as it is that a SEA actually stepped aside to allow people to walk on dry land, something else stuck out to me.

I often catch myself having more faith in situations involving people who I know are connected to God. It’s easy to believe that God can and will speak to someone who regularly spends time with Him. But in cases where people don’t? Somehow I have it in my head that THAT scenario is more difficult for God.  Silly little human brain of mine…

In the verses above, God didn’t say ‘but I will gain glory for myself despite Pharaoh and all his army’…He said ‘I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army.’ God used the enemy for His glory…and not just in a little ‘side miracle’ story, but in the huge ‘hey, I’m God and the heavens and the earth are at my command so no big deal, what’s a little water blocking to save my peeps’ story.

Why in the world do we limit God and His magnificent capacity to do things?! In ALL circumstances – regardless of who is or isn’t involved – we can trust that He is sovereign. What a mighty God we serve…and I am so thankful.

Image Credit: Erin Kass

If you’re on FB, I’m sure you’ve seen the waves of various personality tests that show up. You can see which four letters based on the Meyers-Briggs categories you fit into…or if you’re a ‘visionary’ or ‘encourager’ or ‘leader’. I love psychology. I love personality theory. I have an incomplete Psych degree that I’d love to finish one of these days, in God’s timing. I am passionate about seeing people have the ‘ah ha’ moments that explain the reasoning why they do the things they do. It’s empowering. It helps you to not feel so crazy at times and is a way to relate to other people.

But I feel like these tests should come with a disclaimer: “This test does not give you the freedom to use the results as an excuse”

I’m an INFJ…on the line of an INFP. It’s one of the rarer types and I often find it tricky to connect fully with other people. But that doesn’t mean that it gives me permission to stop trying. Just because the test says I’m an introvert doesn’t mean that I can hide behind it and avoid people. Yes I definitely need my alone time to process and recharge but GOD still says I’m to love people and be used by Him as a vessel of His presence .

An INFJ/P is the idealist perfectionist. But as my theme for this 31 day series is ’31 days in the life of a recovering perfectionist’, just because I’ve had the label ‘INFJ’ attached to me, doesn’t mean that I can use it as an excuse. I still am required to recognize how God made me and realize that HIS power is made perfect in my weakness. As I’ve written in my previous post ‘An Audience of One’, perfectionism in itself isn’t bad. But as with everything in life, it has to be brought into alignment with God. I can’t say ‘I’m a perfectionist and that’s just how I am so I HAVE to not spend time with God today (or go serve others at a volunteer event…or spend time with family) because if I do I won’t have time to write a blog post…and I HAVE to have 31 because otherwise ’31 days of writing’ won’t be perfect if there are only 30, or 29…or 28 etc.’

Personality tests show us just how much we need God in our lives. For patience, if our personality tends to not be overly patient. For strength, grace and love when dealing with others because our personality gets easily drained when being around people. For the ability to step out of our comfort zone in faith because our personality tends to want to play it safe.

I used to be much farther on the J side, but I believe that as I’ve allowed God to mold me and ‘balance’ me, that He’s brought me closer to the P because I’ve allowed Him to take over areas of my life that I used to be extremely clenched on to.

We also have to make sure we don’t allow the enemy to use our type against us. ‘You’re an introvert and awkward around people so that’s why they don’t like you’. ‘You’re a free spirit personality and that’s why you’re never going to be successful because you can’t stick to a schedule to save your life.” Anything that makes us feel inadequate and less than the masterpiece of God that we are is a lie from the enemy. God made us for a purpose and our job is to seek His direction and allow Him to reveal to us what that purpose is. Even if it doesn’t line up with what the world considers ‘normal’!

I pray for freedom from the ‘personality test label’ trap. If you have been told all of your life that you’re not good enough or not talented or are stupid, I pray for God to heal those areas of your heart and that He’ll reveal to you HIS beautiful blueprint for why He created you the way that He did. May this be a turning point in your life that unleashes a whole world of possibility that you never knew existed!

Image Credit: Emily Gluntz

Supposedly ignorance is bliss. I would have to add that denial is also bliss. I’ve been in a state of self-imposed denial for the last couple of months. I guess it’s not completely denial because there’s been acknowledgement of the issue – if you asked me about it I wouldn’t have said it didn’t exist. But other things have been more important. I just either haven’t been able to focus on it or I’ve chosen not to because I was going after bigger things.

Today, reality crept back in. The reality of life. Life that involves piles of laundry to be done, a long list of home repairs and projects that need attention, the fact that oh hello, it’s already October 25 and those trees in our yard that are currently covered in leaves soon won’t be. Because they’ll all be on the ground.

The past couple months have been almost surreal. In challenging and amazing ways. At the beginning of September, hubby had an ‘incident’ involving his motorcycle and although thankfully it wasn’t a major situation, he majorly messed up the skin (and several layers below it *ew*) on his knee.

The night prior to this, I had finally finished a new cleaning schedule for us to implement to attempt to get on top of that area of life. I was so excited to finally feel like we were getting ahead. Thanks to his need for extra care and diminished capacity, it has barely been looked at…which has been okay for the most part until today. Suddenly I realized (again) that our house looks like the Tasmanian devil ran through it. Possibly more than once.

Not only did hubby decide it would be fun to ‘shake up life’, but God did too. Two months ago this blog hadn’t even been thought about. I had no clue what a ‘write 31 day challenge’ was. But God decided in the midst of already being behind in ‘life’ and hubby’s ‘adventure recovery’ to throw it into the mix. And if writing every day in the month of October wasn’t enough, He decided it would be awesome to blow my mind and show up in huge ways.

This wasn’t just about a writing challenge but about opening the door for Him to come in and show off. I’ve seen hundreds of dollars in plane tickets provided for. My faith is stronger and has expanded exponentially. I do not see life from the same perspective as I did even a short 25 days ago. And that has been INCREDIBLE.

But in the midst of all of this God-awesomeness, ‘Life’ has been pushed aside.  The pile to sort through for Salvation Army that was started months ago is still sitting in our front room. Strange colors have shown up in bathroom sinks and toilets. The shower is looking like the beginning of a science project. I could go on.

As I sat in my living room this evening trying to think how in the world we were ever going to take care of all that needs to be taken care of…especially since I already feel like I could sleep for the next week and we have a very busy rest of the year with either one or both of us traveling for extended periods of time…I started to feel overwhelmed. I started to focus on the to do list and on the ideal situation I would love to be in and thought ‘this is impossible.’

This isn’t the first time I’ve been in this position and thankfully I’ve gotten quicker with directing my thoughts to God instead of allowing myself to get carried out to the sea of despair…so I stopped and quieted my thoughts long enough for Him to remind me that all I have to do is take it one day at a time.

One day at a time. I get up and allow Him to direct my steps. One day at a time I work toward the goal. I keep my eyes locked on the goals that are important in God’s kingdom and not the goals of Pinterest’s kingdom ;). Or what anyone else says is the standard for where we should be in our lives.

Because if I were caught up in chasing after what the world defines as perfection (and honestly what my definition is too…I really would love to live in a nicely decorated and clean and organized house), then I would’ve missed out on what I’ve experienced over the past month. I would’ve missed out on His overflowing and overwhelming blessing and fresh revelation of who He is.

I’ll take fresh revelation from God over a perfect life any day!

Image Credit: Erin Kass

“The thief comes only to steal kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” ~John 10:10

Abundant = existing or available in large quantities; plentiful; ample; rich; lavish; generous; overflowing

opposite of abundant: scarce, sparse, bare, minimal

 

Jesus came so that we could have ABUNDANT life. Life that is overflowing with His Spirit. With His love, joy, peace, etc.

 

God has had me ‘sit out’ a couple days this week. You’ll notice there wasn’t a post this past Sunday or yesterday. And I almost didn’t have one for today…I’ve had ideas for what I could write about but I’m not trying to add to the noise of life. I’m not going to write if it’s not coming from Him. And I think He just wanted to mess with my perfect progression of days because I was enjoying seeing the complete list of numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, etc. To a perfectionist who doesn’t like to have areas that aren’t resolved, seeing missing numbers in the 31 day sequence could drive me crazy. 😉

But being crazy isn’t part of God’s abundant life. Taking days off to just soak in Him is. Taking days off to fully enjoy this amazing fall weather is. Taking days off to spend time with my husband is.

Living in God’s abundant life is ‘easy’…at least in theory. It’s realizing that certain things are more important than what our perception says is important. But the tricky part is getting our perception to line up with God’s truth.

Is getting upset about the person who cut you off *really* important? Or what about if the restaurant didn’t get your dinner right? Or what if God tells you to lay down certain areas of your life (that are near and dear to your heart) so that He can replace them with something even better…or so that He can transform what you thought was perfect into something even more perfect?

I challenge you to stop and ask God what areas of your life aren’t fully alive. Even if life is good, God is showing me how we’re never going to reach the end of His goodness. It’s His ABUNDANT, pressed down, shaken together, running over, OVERFLOWING life that He’s made available to us. All we have to do is step into it.

Image Credit: Erin Kass Photography

Day 22. We’re in the final countdown. If this were New Year’s Eve, we’d be in the homestretch to midnight.

I’m a little ready for this 31 day challenge to be over. It’s not because I’ve found it to be difficult or draining…the opposite actually. God has opened up the floodgates of heaven and I have been drenched in His presence. I feel like I’ve stepped into this parallel universe that I kinda knew existed but had never experienced it to this degree. The past six months, and especially the past 21 days, have been full of moments where I’ve thought ‘I don’t know if I can handle anymore of you God…this physical body is just so limited and I might pop!’ And then I quickly said ‘just kidding God…keep coming’. Even when I feel satisfied and like I can’t contain any more, keep coming. Enlarge my capacity. Enlarge my territory.

I’m ready to have time to process and fully soak in all that He’s revealed of Himself in this season. He’s shifted my perspective and approach to life. Challenged me to stretch my faith and trust Him to provide when I had no clue how he could do it – and He came through.

Higher + Wider + Deeper by Citipointe Live is the song on my heart today:

Verse1:
How beautiful this love
You would lay down Your crown
Surrender Your throne in heaven
So that I could be found
How awesome is this love
That conquered the grave
Love that can move the mountains
Yet knows me by name

Pre Chorus:
Its unbreakable
Its undeniable
Nothing will ever
Separate us

Chorus:
Your love is higher
Than the skies up above
Your love is wider
Than what I can dream of
Your love is deeper
Its the greatest of all

Bridge:
Holy are You Father
A love like no other
So vast like the universe
Is Your love, Your love

 

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ~Romans 8:38-39

I pray you are able to experience this supernatural love that passes our comprehension in a way that you’ve never experienced before. May the floodgates of heaven open up and drench you with His Spirit today.

Image Credit: Erin Kass